I don’t know if this letter will ever reach you but you’ll know exactly that this is written for you once you read it. I kind of hope that you will, at least. If you won’t, then I won’t feel bad about it. Right now, I just want to express how I feel about you, nah, I genuinely want to express how I feel about us and how we fell apart.
Well, I’d rather not express my side of
our this story alone. I don’t want others to see my side of things and judge you just because of this short piece of electronic junk. I’d want them to hear from you too but that’s quite impossible. Given that even I can’t hear from you anymore. I don’t know where you are, how you are doing, and most of all, who you think of most of the time. I do think of you. A lot. And I want to just wrap my arms around you and say not a word.
Whenever I talk about you, I always get the “you really are a writer” remark. Why? Just so you know, you tend to sound fictitious. Or am I just so enchanted by how we met? You made me believe that reality could be better than fiction. Well, at least, I know now that reality is far greater than what my imagination could reach.
We would have passed as bestfriends. I’ve never met someone so different yet so relatable. We would talk on the phone from twilight till dawn even though we’ll meet anyways. We could even talk about not having anything to talk about! You would sing melodies that penetrate deep into my heart even on ordinary days. I’ve always thought that we should stay together.
BUT I WAS WRONG.
How could I miss the signs of trouble? Even my friends warned me about you. I didn’t listen because whenever I hear the sound of your voice, every single doubt just fades away. I was slowly drowning with every word and every beat of the songs you sang. I assumed that they were supposed to be sincere.
Logic was my thing. How have you made me believe that the right person at the wrong time could still equate into something positive? I was lost, so lost at what you said that night before everything fell apart. You promised. I forgot that promises are meant to be broken.
And now my heart is broken.
Regrets, regrets. Sometimes I wish that I would have never met you.
“Time heals all wounds,” that’s what they always say. I saw you lately. I didn’t know if you catched a glimpse of me though. You were all alone or is it that whenever I see you everything at the background just blurs out? My heart’s into this weird Accelerando again.
I suddenly realized that today, as I am gradually building my life up, you might have been the right person in the past but I just have to keep moving forward. You are the one that got away and that I won’t let myself want you back.
I won’t point my fingers at you. I ruined my life. You may have been part of the chain but I am the one who let you to do so. I just can’t help but think of all the good things that was and smile. I haven’t wasted my time with you. All the time one wastes smiling is not wasted time at all. Well, unless you are into drugs.
Moving on is not easy. I know that it goes with everybody. You just can’t play with people’s feelings. You just can’t wake up and declare that you have long gone and are seeing the sun again. You can’t skip learning how to dance under the heavy rain without the protection of an umbrella. A wound will never heal if it’s always covered with a band-aid.
I have learned to hold on to you. I’m selfish. I’m not as kind as how the everyone might think I am. It’s like donating your favorite clothes to charity. You may survive without them but you’ll never forget the memories of how great they made you feel.
I’m letting myself loathe over what happened tonight. I’m letting this feeling eat me up so that when I flash smiles tomorrow morning, those would be genuine and not ones full of regrets. I wouldn’t want to rewrite the past because I’d learn that in this life, regrets will just destroy me. What I can do now is live in the present and carry lesser baggage in the future.
Before I wrap this pointless letter up, I’d like to thank you. Thank you for your last words, “you’re too nice for me.” Thank you for inspiring me to be nicer and let people know that the world may not be as bad as they thought it is. You’d inspired me to smile more, ironic isn’t it? You broke my heart to help me build myself again. For those things, I applaud you.
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