walkin' on sunshine

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Goal 1: Cleaner Environment


Do you have those days when you are just so fed up of being fed up?

I have delayed a lot of tasks I needed to do, that, I can admit that I did all too well. There are days when I am just in autopilot, thinking that everything jwill still be the same tomorrow. No, it wasn’t, isn’t, and wouldn’t.

I will never be able to make a positive change if I will not start with the place I start and end my night in – my bedroom. 

I’ve been too caught up with unnecessary things, focusing on stuff that will give me temporary happiness – food, sleep, makeup, daydreams (without actions), and reading feeds of people arguing about small stuff on the comments section on Facebook. I can do so much more.

I feel super tired. I need to change. I’ll start with my room. I’ll clean up 30 minutes a day for one week and see how it will make a difference. I no longer believe in overnight changes, I know that I’ve got to focus on this one gradually first, then work on another goal next week.

Let’s see how it will go!

 

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On Promises


It is so frustrating when someone doesn’t keep their promises. You see, it is a matter of trust and integrity. Big or small, once said, those words can never be taken back.

The future is uncertain, but why do we even commit ourselves into something we are unable to accomplish?

I have been a victim of empty promises. Everybody else is. All the more, we have to also acknowledge the fact that are all promise breakers at some point.

  • Remember that work contact you signed? Remember how it made you excited to work and start anew? Then why are constantly coming into work late?
  • Remember that friend you vowed to spend more time with? Then why are you still planning the same holiday you were planning together since last year?
  • Remember that person you promised to spend your lifetime with? Where are you now?
  • Remember that promise you made with your family that no one gets left behind? Then why are you not talking to each other?

I guess, it is a matter of principle. People make promises with all the good intentions, but only people with integrity keep them. No one commits with the plan of breaking them, but when things get difficult, we all have the choice to either be true to our word or run towards the escape route.

The ball is on your side of the court now. Think about it. Why did you promise in the first place? Whatever it is, I hope that you will be happy with the outcome.

All the best.

– Cristina
Sunday, 30 August 2015

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A Child Lost in the Adult World


You know what’s ironic? No matter how I tell myself that things will change, there will always be those things that will be constant.

I have grown a lot, been through a lot, but still, I am me. I always have had a crush on my past self as she tend to think so differently. She is assertive, in love with arts, with expression, with inspiring others, with giving, with God.

I miss her.

Well, Karen from Notsalmon.com said that the first forty years of childhood is the hardest. I just realized that I’m the same child pretending for the longest time to have grown up as I age.

Given that, there’s no point in missing my past self because she’s right here, speaking to me. She may look different on the mirror, but she is still me.

I’m happy to have kept this blog because reading how the past me felt and thought of made me realize that I’m still the same kid living in the “adult world” I have dreamt about.

She had suicidal thoughts, time travel fantasies, overwhelming dreams, and most of all, a positive mind. She reminded me that being sad is okay. She isn’t perfect, but she had hope.

It’s like, the old me made all of the right and even the wrong decisions to make me better. All the more, I know that God is there, guiding me through the process.

I was lost, I may be lost again in the future, but He will always lead me back to Him. That, I am sure of. I am His princess, the prodigal daughter.

But that doesn’t mean that I should be lazy now. This inspires me to do better, not only for my past self, but for God’s plans. I want to embrace the future He is penning and saving up for me.

My life isn’t perfect, or may not be in this lifetime, but why should I be depressed of all that’s missing when there’s just too much to appreciate?

My post STOP made me sit for a moment and realize that I was looking too ahead of the future. All of those long-term plans, my future, my dream job, my life.

I forgot to breathe for a moment and appreciate all the mysteries behind the things I took for granted. It’s hard to live in the “adult world”. It’s just as hard to fit in.

However, I know that I’ll be fine. Life can be heartbreaking and complicated at times but I have God, and that’s all the guidance I need.

All the best.

Kind regards,

Cristina v 21.6.15
07:11 PM
18 August 2015

This dysmenorrhea is killing me. Cheers to being a woman, Ria.

This dysmenorrhea is killing me. Cheers to being a woman, Ria.

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I’m Back (with an overanalysis)


I want to write about a lot of subjects, emotions, and scenes that even I don’t know how to start and mix them in a way that others will not see me as a nerd, or someone sweating about the boring stuff in life. Sometimes I kept pushing myself be better liked, only to realize that I’m killing myself in the process. Even though I am definitely who I am, I have the slightest hint of who I am, or who I ever will be.

And that is the problem.

It feels as if this life is a constant cycle of trial and errors and if you are gonna ask a math nerd like me, it’s a waste of time. How I wish that there will be a certain formula, a certain graph that will help me know what I am really like. It’s one of the greatest ironies of life, if you ask me. I wanted to know about me more. I can’t seem to figure out who I am, or where am I supposed to be.

Does it show how a control freak I am at some point? Is it that I always take time to find order on every mess I always faced? Is it that I always tend to look for something beautiful in something even though reality slaps me with something so ugly? Is it that I’m too insecure that I won’t ever admit something I despise just to fit in?

I am the epitome of the clichéd introvert who is trying to be more like an extrovert from day one. Is it always healthy to get out of one’s shell? Needless to say, I am fully aware that world’s advances were made by those who risked it all.

Do I risk putting myself out there by sharing more, and by staying true to myself who even I have the slightest hint of? Even if it is not of my nature? I know there are more serious world problems but how would we solve them if we won’t face the frustrations we have from within?

How can someone who don’t fit in share something? Will it help? Will it get noticed? I feel both powerful and vulnerable when I write. That is why I put my pen down for a while and slowly killed my voice, myself, and my future. After months of trying to figure out answers, I just felt the need to write, and here I am now, back to where my heart definitely is.

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Why do I love black? Let me count the ways.


I’m not a fan of trends. I don’t like to wear clothes that almost every one you see on the streets will wear. I think it comes with me, not wanting to conform with the norms, of me not wanting to blend in and lose my voice in the process. I feel as if I’m betraying myself, as if I’m trying to replicate Barbie and her plastic commercial smiles.

I’m not saying that trends are bad. There is a reason many would like to follow one. Or not. You might think that I think like an old woman but some trends just don’t make sense to me. Some of them would be Gangnam Style, Harlem Shaking, Owling, and Planking. If the next trend would be thinking, then it would save the earth a lot of trouble.

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Moving on, I do believe that one should dress for themselves, wear the clothes that make them feel perfect.  You don’t want to represent someone you’re not. If you feel confident about expressing yourself through your clothing, then you don’t have to worry about leaving false impressions on others. Besides, personality makes 60% of the outfit. You may be wearing the best outfit ever but if you don’t feel confident about it, your 40% advantage wouldn’t be that much.

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Everyday is a dress up day. I don’t wanna meet my prince charming/mortal enemy wearing something I’m not confident in. I feel comfortable when I wear black. It goes with my strange taste on music too, I guess. Or is it that I tend to find beauty in contrasts? I love bringing color to people’s lives that I prefer to represent myself as a shadow.

Aside from staying true to myself, one thing that I love to do with clothing is taking risks. Yes, style rules will take you a long way but defying these restrictions won’t mean that you will end up looking like a fool. Trust your instincts. Play. Have fun. It will make what you wear unique and waaay more interesting.

I’d like to leave you with one quote. I don’t remember its exact wording, even the one who said it but I believe that it’s still worth sharing.

“Fashion is expensive but style will take you everywhere.”

 

Always,
– Cristina

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Anyways, here I am with my unorganized thoughts again. Please bear with me. I hardly had slept last night. My bed’s been calling me all day long. Two shots of latte made me at least stay functioning.

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