You know what’s ironic? No matter how I tell myself that things will change, there will always be those things that will be constant.
I have grown a lot, been through a lot, but still, I am me. I always have had a crush on my past self as she tend to think so differently. She is assertive, in love with arts, with expression, with inspiring others, with giving, with God.
I miss her.
Well, Karen from Notsalmon.com said that the first forty years of childhood is the hardest. I just realized that I’m the same child pretending for the longest time to have grown up as I age.
Given that, there’s no point in missing my past self because she’s right here, speaking to me. She may look different on the mirror, but she is still me.
I’m happy to have kept this blog because reading how the past me felt and thought of made me realize that I’m still the same kid living in the “adult world” I have dreamt about.
suicidal thoughts, time travel fantasies, overwhelming dreams, and most of all, a positive mind. She reminded me that being sad is okay. She isn’t perfect, but she had hope.
It’s like, the old me made all of the right and even the wrong decisions to make me better. All the more, I know that God is there, guiding me through the process.
I was lost, I may be lost again in the future, but He will always lead me back to Him. That, I am sure of. I am His princess, the prodigal daughter.
But that doesn’t mean that I should be lazy now. This inspires me to do better, not only for my past self, but for God’s plans. I want to embrace the future He is penning and saving up for me.
My life isn’t perfect, or may not be in this lifetime, but why should I be depressed of all that’s missing when there’s just too much to appreciate?
My post STOP made me sit for a moment and realize that I was looking too ahead of the future. All of those long-term plans, my future, my dream job, my life.
I forgot to breathe for a moment and appreciate all the mysteries behind the things I took for granted. It’s hard to live in the “adult world”. It’s just as hard to fit in.
However, I know that I’ll be fine. Life can be heartbreaking and complicated at times but I have God, and that’s all the guidance I need.
All the best.
Cristina v 21.6.15
18 August 2015